


The Shopping Mall Conundrum

by Masian (salable_mystic)



Category: The Lord of the Rings RPF
Genre: Alternate Universe, Christmas Shopping, First Meetings, Holiday Shopping, M/M, Meet-Cute, Shopping Malls
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-01-03
Updated: 2018-01-03
Packaged: 2019-02-28 00:10:20
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,627
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13259490
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/salable_mystic/pseuds/Masian
Summary: Shopping for the holidays in a crowded and noisy shopping mall is a tedious business, so Orlando tries to take a brief respite from the overwhelming mass of people in a ... storage closet? And what is that other guy doing in there ...? This seems ... fishy. Interesting, but fishy. Clearly, Orlando must investigate!





	The Shopping Mall Conundrum

**Author's Note:**

  * For [AveryRogers83](https://archiveofourown.org/users/AveryRogers83/gifts).



> This was written for DW user taz34 as part of the dreamwidth 'viggorli_xmas' Secret Santa fic exchange! Happy holidays, taz34!

...

 

 

 

“What the hell am I doing here?”, Orlando thought, as he pushed his way through the crowded aisles in the mall. “Whoever thought it would be a good idea to leave Christmas shopping until the weekend before the holidays?”

Well, it must have been him, at some point in the past, but right now Orlando felt like having words with that past self, and the stupid decisions that that past self had made. Sooo many words. Angry words. Definitely angry words. Like, sure, he’d been busy the weeks before, finishing his latest project, and had only barely made it home and had really wanted to do nothing but sleep and eat and not see anyone or talk to anyone in the days after returning … but while that had made for a nice couple of days, it also meant that he was currently, like about a million other people, trying to get his Christmas shopping done in this busy Los Angeles mall.

And all he wanted to do was go home and hide from humanity for another couple of days. Or weeks. Or possibly forever. Certainly until he had to be back at work for his next project. Or had to go to an audition. Or … well, for a while.

But nooo, he was here instead. Which … had been such a bad idea. Such … a … bad idea. The worst.

“Should have done this from the couch and bought everything online. Or just have sent people vouchers,” he groused to himself. But somehow, that wasn’t the same … and he found it easier to be inspired when actually seeing products in front of him, and not just selections on a website. Still, this had been a bad idea. He wasn’t so much inspired as he was … overwhelmed.

He needed a break.

Just five minutes of reasonable quiet, away from people.

And the best way to get that was … possibly in the mall’s bathroom. How much less glamorous could an escape location get?

But, needs must. And all that.

Sighing, Orlando quickly located the signs that pointed towards the mall’s restroom area, and maneuvered his way through the crowd towards them.

There … was a line. In front of the men’s room. (In front of the women’s restrooms, too, but that was usually the case, so that didn’t surprise Orlando much. And he didn’t want to use those anyway, so …). But, a line? So much for peace and quiet.

Sighing again, Orlando glanced around for any other possible escape routes that might lead to some peace and quiet. Hallway, filled with people. Nope. Restroom line, nope. Food court beyond the corner, definitely a nope. Janitor’s closet. Hmm. Janitor’s closet. That might work. If it wasn’t locked. He wasn’t supposed to go in there, Orlando knew, of course, but all he wanted was a quiet space, and he would only stay for five minutes and take a deep breath and re-find his equilibrium and then leave without touching anything. They wouldn’t even know that he had been there. Sooo … he wouldn’t be so much using it as … hiding in it? Anyway, it was worth a try.

Trying to move as inconspicuously as possible, Orlando made his way over to the janitorial closet’s door and tried the doorknob. It moved, and the door opened. Success!

Glancing around quickly to make sure that no-one was observing his ever so slightly illicit plan – no-one was, people too busy avoiding bumping into each other and/or arguing with each other and/or glancing at their cellphones to pay any attention to him – Orlando quickly snuck inside and closed the door behind himself.

The lights were on.

And … there was a man inside the closet. The not-terribly-big closet. It was fine, it wasn’t super crowded or anything, but it was definitely a smaller room, maybe 10x10, with shelves holding toilet paper, cleaning supplies, and various other items. Which wouldn’t have been so bad, itself, but the room also held several janitorial cleaning carts – the nice ones, with big wheels and a solid steel frame – and … there was a man … balancing? … on two of the carts … and seemingly intent on fiddling with the overhead lights?

Which … unexpected. And: weird. Definitely weird. And the man wasn’t wearing a janitor’s outfit or an employee’s badge or anything that made him look like he worked here, so … from what Orlando could see from his perspective, the man looked like any of the other shoppers outside, wearing everyday clothes.

Orlando’s brain quickly ran through increasingly unlikely scenarios. Was the man … trying to break into the ventilation ducks? Stealing the lamp? Trying to do himself harm? None of it seemed very plausible, but it was definitely strange.

“Urm … hello?” Orlando asked, somewhat tentatively.

The man jerked and quickly gazed down from where he had been intent on the light bulb fixture, and the abrupt movement made one of the carts he was balancing on slide away, out from under him. The man started to teeter, his footing now uncertain, which upset the other cart and they began sliding in opposite directions, the man’s stance becoming wider and wider as the carts moved out from under him. They banged into some of the other carts, setting those in motion too, and the man started to curse as he lost his balance.

And fell.

Forward.

Towards … where Orlando was standing.

Orlando cursed too, and quickly dropped the bags he had been carrying to reach out and help the man – of strange intentions he might be, but that was no reason to let him fall, was it? Not the least because the room wasn’t big enough for him to fall anywhere else but right onto Orlando, one way or the other – and helping the man would probably make it hurt less. And, well, it was the polite thing to do.

So Orlando reached out and half-caught the man, the impact driving him back into the door, causing the air to leave his lungs in a loud “oof!”.

The man … smelled quite nice, Orlando’s brain informed him, somewhat irreverently. Of grass and sunshine and some kind of exquisite male cologne. He also seemed to be of roughly the same height as Orlando, and was on the wiry side, with somewhat wild unkempt shoulder-length hair and beard scruff that scraped against Orlando’s chin in an uncomfortably intimate way, in the moment before the man drew away.

The man quickly disentangled himself from Orlando’s arms and stepped back as far as he could, before he bumped into one of the janitorial carts. It wasn’t very far.

“Hello?” the unfairly attractive man said, in a voice that sounded something between bemused and questioning. He had very nice brown eyes.

“I … that … what the fuck?” Orlando replied, his brain still caught up in this unexpected development and his previous speculations. “Were you trying to steal the lightbulb? Or to get into the ventilation ducts? Don’t you know that only works in movies? Any why did you ever think it was a reasonable idea to climb onto clearly unstable objects? Didn’t your elders teach you anything? Don’t you know that this is how, like, 80% of household accidents happen?”

The man stared at Orlando with wide eyes.

Which … fair. That was a lot of verbal vomit to loosen on a guy, Orlando could acknowledge that.

“Uh … sorry. But still: what the actual fuck?”

Orlando crossed his arms, feeling weirdly defensive, even though it was clearly the man who should be feeling that way.

The man chuckled, and shook his head, before raising one hand to scratch his neck, an embarrassed tell that instantly made Orlando feel more at ease.

“I … yeah … I guess that wasn’t one of my smarter ideas, huh?”

“I would say not!”

“So, well, thank you for catching me … though I feel as if I ought to point out that that would not have been necessary if you hadn’t come in and startled me in the first place. Which … what are you doing in here? This is a janitor’s closet!”

“And well I know it!” Orlando replied. “But more importantly, what were you doing? You’re not a janitor, are you? _Were_ you actually trying to get into the ventilation ducks?”

“I … what? No! I was just fixing the lamp.”

“Fixing the lamp?” Orlando asked, incredulous. “Why?”

The man shrugged. “It was flickering.”

“It … was flickering.”

“Well, yeah. It bothered me.” As if to prove the man right, the lamp took that very moment to flicker. It was … eerily coincidental. “See? Like that. And I thought I could fix it. I think one of the connectors in the casing is loose.”

“Right. Ooo…kay.”

Orlando mentally and physically shook himself and studied the man, trying to assess if he was telling the truth. Not that Orlando really needed to care … he ought to leave, really, that is what he ought to do. Clearly. This man was probably crazy. Or a criminal. Or an electrician. Or all of those. 

The man crossed his arms. “As I said, it was going fine, until you burst in here and distracted me. Which … why are you in here again?”

Orlando sighed, and shrugged. He really ought to leave … and yet … “Too many people. Out there.” He gestured behind himself, to indicate the mall. “I was looking for a quiet place. Away from all that. For, like … five minutes.”

The man started to laugh. It was a rather nice laugh, even if Orlando didn’t know what was so funny.

“Are you laughing at me?”

The man shook his head and wiped tears from his eyes. “I’m not, I swear I’m not!” he replied, still chuckling, which did not make his reply terribly convincing.

Orlando waited.

“I’m, well, I’m laughing at myself.”

Orlando raised an eyebrow at him, making a ‘go on’ motion.

“That’s … why I came in here as well. All I wanted was five minutes away from all the people out there … and then … .” he laughed again.

Orlando had to laugh, too.

“… and then the light flickered and you decided that breaking your neck by climbing on to two wheeled janitorial carts was clearly the way to go?”

The man nodded, and shrugged. “It seemed like a good idea, yeah.”

Orlando studied him, taking in the amused brown eyes, the rather unfairly attractive smile, and the sheer … allure … the man oozed. This was definitely a strange situation, but he decided to believe the man for the time being and to just go with it for now.

“Well, to be fair, the hospital would be a quieter place than the mall is, so fair enough.”

“The hospital?”

Orlando nodded and shrugged. “Where you would have ended up, most likely with a broken arm or leg, if I had not caught you.”

The man laughed again and raised the back of one hand to his head and pretended to faint. “My hero!”

Attractive, and funny, too, Orlando thought. He bowed, gallantly. “It seems that I am. Allow me to introduce myself, then, fair … maiden.” He smirked, at the man’s faux-outraged huff. At least, Orlando was pretty sure that it was a _faux_ -outraged huff.

“My name is Orlando and I am here to hold the reigns of your … janitorial carts? While you set out on your errand?”

The light flickered again, and the man chuckled. He seemed like the cheerful sort, all told. A little strange, maybe, but attractive, cheerful, funny … and not strange in a _bad_ way.

“Oho!” he replied. “You are willing to assist me in my … quest? But doesn’t that make me the valiant knight and you the … helpful sidekick?” He smirked, and before Orlando could reply, continued. “At any rate, it’s nice to meet you, even – or maybe especially – under these strange and inexplicable circumstances.” He held out his hand: “My name is Viggo, and I am sure glad that I haven’t yet managed to scare you off. I promise this was an unusual situation that you found myself in. I don’t do these kinds of things every day.”

Orlando shook his – nice, warm, fingers slightly calloused – hand. “Well, it’s nice to meet you, Viggo, and I am sure glad to know that you don’t spend your days breaking into the janitorial closets of shopping malls to check for malfunctioning light fixtures.”

Viggo laughed again, shaking his head. “You sure are a funny one, Orlando.”

The light flickered.

Orlando smirked. “You’re one to talk – but I’m sure glad you think so!”

They were still holding hands, he noticed, and quickly let go. Viggo shot him another bemused look, and then gestured towards the light and the janitorial carts.

“Well, now that you have so gallantly offered me your aid, what say you we fix this problem?”

Orlando mustered him, and shrugged. Maybe not wanting to talk to anyone over the holidays had been a slight exaggeration on his part. “If we must – but I do have one condition.”

“Oh, we absolutely must. I was so close to finishing the job before you came in and almost killed me - ” “Hey!” “ - that it would be a travesty not to finish.” Viggo paused, and only then seemed to have realized what else Orlando had said.

“Wait – a condition?”

Orlando nodded. “Yes.”

“Oh?”

“I want … coffee, in exchange. Or dinner.”

“Coffee? Or dinner? What, you want me to buy you something in the food court in exchange for your help?” Viggo frowned at him skeptically. “I mean, I am willing to spring you one, but you don’t look as if you need me to buy your food for you. Have you fallen on hard times?” His frown grew concerned, and his gaze more intent.

Orlando blushed. “No. I mean … I want to have coffee … with you. So that you can prove that you’re not, in fact, planning to break into the mall’s ventilation system and all.”

The man – Viggo – smiled, and his gaze grew relaxed, warm, again. “Well, if you help me pick out presents for my nieces and nephews in exchange, I am game. Does that seem like a fair deal?”

Orlando pretended to consider it. “Will you help me pick out presents for my sister and her family in return?”

Viggo shrugged.

“Sure, why not – you’ll have to tell me about them, though, so that I know enough to be of help.”

Orlando nodded. “If you tell me about yours, so that I can help you out.”

“Might have to be coffee _and_ dinner, then – lots of stories to tell!”

Viggo turned back to the janitorial carts and hoisted himself up on one of them. Quickly, Orlando moved forward to steady it against rolling away, and to keep Viggo from losing his balance again. “Do you always rush into things?” Orlando asked him, slightly exasperated.

Viggo smirked down at him, from where he was kneeling on the cart.

“Only when I hope that some will be there to catch me when I fall … for them.” He winked, but his gaze was both intent and oddly vulnerable.

Orlando held it, and had to swallow hard. “I’ll be there.” He replied, and meant more than the action of steadying the cart. “Will you be?”

Viggo’s gaze never wavered as he briefly reached out a hand to touch Orlando’s, where it was resting on the cart. “I’m not going anywhere … well, except for coffee, and, apparently, dinner after.”

Yep, going to the mall had definitely been a good idea after all.

In fact, it had been the best idea, Orlando thought, as he watched Viggo climb on the cart and reach up to fix the light fixture. _The best idea_. In the history of ideas. _Ever_. And not _just_ because he had the perfect angle to study Viggo’s admittedly rather magnificent … everything, from down here.  

 

 

The ~~Beginning~~ End


End file.
